Murderers and Stalkers: A Friendship Made in Heave
by utsubame
Summary: [ONE SHOT] A slice of life for the GW boys post war along with a tag along Relena. No pairings really, just friendship. But Heero thinks Duo is oggling his butt. Is he right?


**Disclaimers:** Don't own any part of Gundam Wing nor its characters. Merely borrowing them for a little fun.

**Warnings:** Shounen-ai (because I suck at yaoi)

**A/N:** This is written for fic on demand on LJ for sonkikyo.

**Murderers and Stalkers: A Friendship Made in Heaven**

Duo was checking out my ass, I know he was.

Then again, I really didn't have any proof. Was it his fault that my bike died on me? Then again, I could push it myself, but no, he had to try to 'assist' me. Okay, so perhaps this wasn't _my_ bike. There was no way I would keep any vehicle owned by me in such a horrible state. Anyway, the guy at the rental place was going to pay for renting me such an old and useless bike. No, it did _not_ matter that I chose this bike myself. Alright, alright, so I was checking out Duo Maxwell's ass when I did it, can you blame me? Those pants really bring out his crack… uh… ass… eh… cheeks, _facial_ cheeks.

So, what did he think about my ass? Was it nice? Was it taut? God forbid, did it look fat? Should I have worn something that made my behind look absolutely sexy?

There was a tiny voice in the back of my head guffawing and I merciless squashed it with a two tonne mallet. Of course not literally. I would look really funny to be climbing into my own head dragging a huge hammer with me.

"Heero…"

I swung my head towards that voice. "Yes, Relena?"

The vice foreign Minister inched closer. "What's wrong with you? You look… weird."

I studied the girl next to me, pondering the colour she would turn if I asked her the question that was burning in my mind right now. What the hell, I had always wanted to see someone spontaneously combust once in my life. I leaned in closer and whispered. "Do these jeans make my butt look fat?"

I don't believe I have ever seen someone turned that red quite so fast. It was rather amusing as I waited, half expecting smoke to rise from her head. Then she did the unthinkable.

Relena burst out laughing.

Duo popped up from his 'pushing' position behind me. "Hey queenie, share the joke."

Relena was half bent over, her hand clasped over her mouth as she tried to control her giggles. That set Duo off as he bounded forward, rattling a mile a minute about how friends were supposed to share jokes and inside jokes amongst friends was really outside.

Alright, my mind screeched to a stop at that. It was completely incomprehensible, even for Duo. And Relena articulated my confusion well.

"Huh?"

I watched the two of them argue for a spell while I lagged behind. Further up, the other guys were waiting. Trowa and Quatre found a comfortable spot on the grass while Wu Fei stood a little distance from them, talking. While any facial expression was foreign to me, and admitting that I _had_ any in recent memory would require the cruelest torture known to men, I had to confess I smiled. Just a tiny one, mind you, nothing as extravagant as Duo's beaming grins.

This was a vision of Quatre's during the war. He had admitted it to Wu Fei that this was a wish he made when he blew out the candles on his cake. He wanted his closest friends out together, a day in at the park, just 'hanging'. Of course, I was sure his vision didn't include my rental bike breaking down. But then, I guess this was something all of us wanted as well. And what Quatre Winner wanted, Quatre Winner got. He managed to weasel a promise out of us to come out to the park to 'play'. Now that word was fairly incomprehensible to us, since 'playing' in the past meant destroying an Oz base or two before uploading a virus into their computer system. This was the first time we actually looked like that we were. Teenagers out in the park, having fun and checking each other's ass out. Hey, I knew Duo was trying to get a peek at Relena's legs. Her skirt barely covered _anything._

The blond saw us coming and jumped to his feet, waving excitedly.

Duo straightened and ran for Quatre, catching him in a hug.

"You're late," I heard Quatre accused.

"Heero's fault," Duo said, nonchalantly. Funny how he didn't mention the part where he held back when he was supposedly pushing my bike so he could stare at my ass a little longer.

Of course I took exception. "I didn't ask for the engine to die."

"Here speaks the man who can dismantle a Gundam with a paper clip," Trowa quipped, crossing his arms in front of him. There was just the slightest smirk on his lips.

"Here speaks the person who can pick a lock with his bangs," I shot back without batting an eye. Did I mention that peacetime improved my sense of humour? That and the constant egging of Duo Maxwell. It was either learn to protect myself or commit murder, or was it suicide? I had no problems looking at his huge puppy dog eyes and throw him off the highest bridge at the same time, but the problem was, Duo usually ran for Wu Fei when he knew he was in trouble with me.

Wu Fei was probably the only one of us who could control Duo's wildness, and rather effectively as well. And he did so now. The Chinese boy walked over to Duo, who was in the process of strangling Quatre with his excitement and rapped him sharply on the head with his knuckles.

"Stop," Wu Fei barked shortly, but firmly.

Duo immediately let go of Quatre, who proceeded to gasp for breath, rubbing his semi abused throat and hiding behind Trowa before Duo could get his hands on him again. The American rubbed his bruised cranium, staring at Wu Fei with accusing eyes. He pouted at Wu Fei, his eyes going huge and liquid.

"Enough," Wu Fei said, even more firmly.

I half expected Duo to burst into tears. He was the first person I knew that could change his moods lightning quick and at will. Meaning, crocodile tears were his game. It was rather impressive actually.

Shockingly enough, Duo subsided.

"Good."

Apparently, I wasn't the only one that was impressed.

"How did you do that?" Trowa asked, ignoring Quatre's arms clasped tightly around his waist.

Wu Fei turned to the tall boy and grinned. "You train animals, you know how to do it. It's like talking to a dog, you must be firm. Use short one word commands over and over. Eventually they get it." He then had the audacity to do something that I was sure would get his arm bitten off. He reached over and tousled Duo's hair. "Good boy. Who's a good boy?" He deadpanned, his tone suggesting someone complimenting a pet.

A loud growl filled the air. It was low and menacing and it didn't bode well for someone at the receiving end of it.

"Oooh, I see," Trowa nodded sagely. "He even growls like a dog."

Duo took off, his arms extended, his fingers curled up into claws as Wu Fei, Trowa and Quatre bolted.

"Why am I involved?" Quatre wailed as Duo singled him out for 'attack'.

Relena nudged me. "Hey."

I smiled at her. "Hey yourself."

"You look rather… wistful."

I was confused. "Huh?"

"I can take care of Mr Broken Down if you want to play," she flicked her eyes toward the little game of tag cum wrestling that had started on the bright green grass.

"Heero Yuy doesn't 'play'," I tried for dignified as much as possible, despite my eyes being drawn toward the small group trying to tear each other's hair out. It was hard to believe that a few short years ago we wouldn't have been able to envision ourselves in this position. We were now _normal_. That was rather hard to comprehend even now.

We had gone from being six strangers, some of us more hostile than most, some of us more obsessed than most, and become best friends. Some would even call us family.

Relena was staring at me with a small smile on her face. She must have known the trip down memory lane I had taken. She turned and stared at our friends, who were now looking quite serious in trying to dismember each other. "Funny how someone who tried to kill me can be my friend now."

I shot her a rather evil grin before saying, "Funny how someone who stalked me can be _my_ friend now." Like I said, practice and Duo Maxwell, did wonders for my sense of humour. Now I had to learn how to deal with the consequences of said humour.

Note to self: Stop teaching Relena self defence. Her punches damn hurt! She jumped me, hooking an arm around my neck and basically squeezing the life out of me. Really, these self defence classes should stop! It was much easier with one of us protecting her. How were we going to marry her off with her being able to beat all her potential suitors to a bloody pulp?

Thoughts of growing up and moving on with life depressed me, even as Relena did her best to try to kill me. Perhaps one day we would grow apart, perhaps one day we will have our own lives and our own little world but for now, we can enjoy the time we have.

Together.

I dropped the stupid bike and it fell to its side as Relena and I, hand in hand, chased down the grass towards our friends. Things may change in the future, but for now, this was enough. I might not know what the future brings, but this I knew:

Duo was checking out my ass, I know he was.

**The end**


End file.
